


Him Too: A Barson One-Shot

by cjbloomfield



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barson, Drama & Romance, Engagement, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Marriage Proposal, Romantic Fluff, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21549889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjbloomfield/pseuds/cjbloomfield
Summary: A surprise proposal sends Olivia down memory lane. She finds her relationship flashing before her eyes before she can muster up a response. After Olivia searches her soul and finds the only logical answer to Rafael’s question, old wounds and guilt surface nipping away at her core and conscience-risking everything they’d worked so hard to build.
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Him Too: A Barson One-Shot

**Author's Note:**

> The characters do not belong to me, but to Dick Wolf and NBC's Law & Order: SVU.
> 
> One-Shot Inspired by Him Too x Sinead Harnett.
> 
> Note for clarification: the good, the bad, and the ugly are all flashbacks.

It was their one year anniversary, the couple had a sunset picnic in Central Park underneath the lowering sun and radiant stars. There was a meteor shower out that night and Rafael knew this was a sign from his Abuelita. He was well aware they agreed to take their relationship slow, but he couldn’t help himself. Olivia began to pack up the evidence of their romantic rendezvous, she stood to her feet, looking up at the night sky. After a moment of getting caught up in the beauty of the stars, Olivia did a 360 spin, looking for her boyfriend. A gasp escaped her lips as she looked down and caught him down on one knee.

“Rafa...what—what are you doing?” She asked in utter shock.

“Mi abuelita took me out to see a meteor shower when I was a little kid, and it was scary for me because she woke me up in the middle of the night. My heart was racing and I didn't know what she wanted to do. She wouldn't tell me, at first. She strapped me in the car and we drove off into the night. Once she pulled me out of the car, I saw all these different people lying on blankets, looking up at the sky. That’s when I decided to look up too. She knew how much I’d loved astronomy as a little niño, maybe three or four years old. It became our little tradition, anytime there was a meteor shower, we’d go see it together-no matter where or when-we’d find our way to each other. When I was 11 or 12 right on the brink of teenagedom, she held my hand close to her heart, so tightly I could feel the gentle beating of her heart. She pulled me close and whispered, ‘ _One day someone will look at you, the way you look at the stars mi nieto, and then you’ll just know.’_ ” He blinked back tears.

“When I was seventeen, mi abuelita could’ve sworn I was going to marry Lauren. One night we sat under the stars and suddenly a meteor shower appeared and lit up the sky. She pulled me in for a hug and told me, _‘You know if it's meant to be between you and Lauren, it’s already written in the stars and you don’t have to pressure it. What will come, will come.’_ ” He grabbed her hand in his warm hold.

“I caught you staring at me while I was unpacking the basket. Even though it was just a microsecond before you quickly looked away, the smile never once leaving your reddened face. That millisecond reminded me of that little boy clutching onto his Abuelita's hand. It’s as if you awakened that little boy in me, the one who loves with his whole heart and is never afraid to go to bat for what he loves.” Olivia couldn’t help the tears pooling out of her eyes.

“This is the first meteor shower to grace the New York sky since my abuela passed. And on our one year anniversary, a coincidence? I think not.” He chuckled lightly. “Just short of my grandmother, Olivia, you are the love of my life and my soulmate.” The burning in the back of his throat warned Rafael that he was becoming choked up, the tears in his eyes fighting their way to the surface.

“I recall telling you about my first girlfriend and that if she’d murdered my whole family I would have forgiven her. But...Olivia, you could kill me in cold blood and I’d still be waiting for you on the other side with open arms, no one on this planet compares to you in my eyes. And if you’ll allow me, I promise to love you unconditionally and eternally, so Olivia Margret Benson, will do me the honor of making an honest man out of me and marry me?”

The tears flowed like a stream during a storm, this proposal was so left field, the couple hadn’t even discussed marriage, hell, they were still living in separate apartments. The only sound to escape Olivia’s mouth was a shaky sob. It’s as if their relationship flashed before her eyes; _the good, the bad, the ugly, & everything in between._

* * *

**  
The Good**

“Your energy scares.” Olivia looked up at her best friend, her body leaned against the wall of his apartment, so close to the door she could’ve made a run for it, Rafael’s voice stole the attention which had been previously glued to her phone screen, her eyes glanced up landing on his nearing body. “I want to protect my own.” He took slow lethal steps closer to her. The duo had just returned from a night at Forlini’s-their favorite spot to be together. The one day Rafael decided to drive his fancy black stallion to work, stopped the pair from having a drink with dinner, he’d invited his best friend over for a drink of her favorite wine to make up for the minor inconvenience.

“Raf?” Olivia’s brown eyes locked with his darkening green orbs, there was a flicker of something unfamiliar swirling around in there, something she just couldn’t figure out. Her heartbeat began to increase exponentially, the closer he drew to her.

“It's like you’re the center of my universe.” She looked I intently into his eyes, she was confused, she hadn’t been listening before he began to get dangerously loser to her—her voice hitching in her throat. “But it’s like I’m a black hole.”

“Rafael, what? What’s going on here. You aren’t a black hole. You’re far from it.” He released a frustrated sigh.

“Olivia, were you listening at all? Did you hear anything I said in the beginning?” He ran his hand through his hair. “Just nevermind. I'll just bare my soul to you another time.” He rolled his eyes backing away, he’d practically announced his love for her and she hadn’t heard a word.

“What? Raf, no! I’m sorry I was reading an email from Noah’s pediatrician. I’m all ears. Please just one last time, I promise I’ll listen.” She grabbed him by his firm bicep, not wanting to let go of his arm beneath her now clammy and trembling fingers, she couldn’t lie, she’d always been attracted to her best friend but had never dreamed of making a move on him, too afraid of rejection. Afraid that after revealing her true feelings things would get awkward and he’d slowly but surely exit her life—she just couldn’t risk it. The professional risk meant nothing to her, a simple disclosure could fix all of that but there was no way she’d lose _her_ Rafael over some silly little schoolyard crush-she assumed this would pass too.

“Yo—you have this light inside you that fills me with warmth, Olivia. When you look me in the eyes I feel you cover me up...all the colors start to fade and yet it's not enough. I want more.” He briskly turned towards her, leaving no space between their two bodies. They were so close Rafael could feel Olivia’s heart beating against his chest. “I love being your friend. I love spending time with you. Dinner tonight with you was the highlight of my entire month. But none of that feels enough. And I understand you just got out of a long term relationship with Cassidy under a year ago, I know how much you loved him. And the last thing I want to do is give you more problems; because I know you’re still recovering from the Lewis attacks while trying to normalize your life with Noah after Johnny D shook the table. But I just have to get this off my chest.” Rafael finally took a moment to breathe after rambling for minutes straight.

“Olivia. You’re all I think about day and night. You’re on my mind 24/7. I worry about you constantly. I have this desire to wrap my arms around you and never let go. I want to protect you from every and anything life tries to throw your way, and don’t tell me you don’t need protecting. You’re the strongest woman I know, but, even, you need someone to hold you when life gets unbearable—“ The warmth of his breath danced across her lips.

“Raf—” her soft utterance was soon overpowered by Rafael’s nervous babble.

“I love you, Olivia. I’ve loved you for the last three years and I can’t keep this a secret anymore, I’m sorry if this makes things awkward, I don’t want to lose you—” Olivia cut him off with her lips pressed against his sweet bottom lip, his mouth curved into a smile. She could physically feel him relaxing into the kiss and she pulled away. She couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face.

“I—” Rafael locked lips with Olivia, the force at which he pressed his lips hers nearly made her topple over if the wall wasn’t behind her to catch her fall. Rafael had Olivia pinned to the wall with both his hands placed steadily on her waist, she wrapped her arms around his neck, her hands mindlessly finding her way through his soft short tendrils. Rafael nibbled on her bottom lip, Olivia released a small gasp, parting her lips slightly, giving Rafael just enough room to slip his tongue in between her warm supple lips. Their tongues fought for dominance, Olivia conceded allowing his tongue to explore the taste of her mouth.

* * *

**The Bad**

“RA—Rafael..” Olivia’s voice began to waver, completely riddled by disbelief. Two months into their newfound relationship and she’d already found evidence of infidelity. It’s almost as if the cards of her life were stacked against her; relationships having no place in her future. “What—What is this?” Her voice barely sounding above a whisper, as she clutched the tight red silk dress and matching lace black panties set, that were in fact way too small to fit her; she’d found them while clearing out a draw to put a few of her own items if they’d ever run into an overnight situation.

Her knuckles quickly turned white from the grasp on the items. The color soon drained from his face, his mouth slightly agape. “Do you have nothing to say?” Her voice rose several octaves, Rafael seemingly speechless for the first time ever in their short courtship. Olivia threw the garments to the floor, in an instant she turned her back to Rafael, charging for the door.

“Olivia!” Rafael roared, louder than he’d expected to his tone to reach when speaking to her, Olivia, his Olivia. He reached out clasping his cold fingers around her arm, the tight grip burned against her flesh. He wasn’t hurting her, but the intensity and passion between the couple could be felt miles away; simply from his touch, she became weak in the knees. “Can you just listen to me?” His voice was softer now. “Friendship first right?” He released his grip on her arm, never wanting to be in a position to hurt her. “After 3 and a half years of friendship you know I would _never_ do anything to hurt you.”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare, Barba.” The use of his last name stung deep, to his core. “I told you I wanted to take things slow, I didn’t want to deep dive and rush, not wanting to ruin the friendship we’ve spent the past 3, almost 4 years building. Too afraid that I’d get hurt if I fell too hard, too fast, and blindly. You’re my best friend. You were the _last_ person I expected to hurt me. But what was I thinking? A man like _you_ , wanting _me_? An older woman. With a child.” She released a forced chuckle.

“Is she younger than me? Hell, is she younger than you? A size double 0 waist, C cup breast, with the hips and ass to match. I obviously can’t compete where I don’t compare.” Tears stung her eyes. “Was it because I asked to hold off on having sex? Was it because I wasn’t ready? So, you went out and sought out another woman...a better woman?” Olivia’s voice trailed off, her response was barely audible. But Rafael caught every word that left her mouth.

“Olivia. No.” He pressed. “I don’t care about sex. Here! Castrate me now if you must.” He picked up a hammer lying on the hallway shelf, one in which they’d just built together. “I don’t need sex. I just want you. All-day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-six days of the year. I want to be near you. I want to inhale your burning scent every second of every day, completely letting you intoxicate me. I want to run my fingers through your hair, my thumb down your soft cheek, I want to feel your delicate skin underneath my fingertips. I want to capture your soft supple lips under my control, search and discover the corners and secrets of your mouth with my tongue, hold you so close I can feel my heart beating against yours, wrap my arms tightly around you that no other soul would ever think to wander towards you. Because you are mine. And I would never do something so idiotic to lose you. I meant what I said. You & me. Squabbling until we’re 85. There is no other woman out there for me Olivia. You are it. You’re it for me.” Her look softened, she wanted to believe him, she really did, but how could she?

“Then what are these?” She spat back sounding defeated, her tears fighting their way to the surface. There was nowhere else she wanted to be but in his arms. No place on earth that felt as comfortable, he had to make this right. She didn’t want to let him go, _her heart couldn’t let him go._

“They belong to an ex. I swear, Olivia.” He hesitated to tell her more. “We weren’t serious—or at least I wasn’t serious. We’d had a couple of flings here and there, I tried so hard to get you out of my system, but the sex wasn’t working. So soon we evolved into something a little more. I took her on a few dates, wined and dined her. I thought the only way to move on from you was to get under someone else. But I started to notice how she began to cling to me, love me, _maybe_. And I just couldn’t do that to her anymore. When I planned dates, the first thought on my mind was, ‘would Olivia like this?’ When she’d kiss me and I’d close my eyes all I saw was you. When she’d spend the night I’d dream of you as she laid right beside me. I let the charade go on for months because seeing you with Brian Cassidy ripped me apart and I needed something or someone to keep me held together on the surface. Until one night I just couldn’t do it, I couldn’t do it to her anymore. She was a lovely individual. A great friend. But she wasn’t you, Olivia. And I’d made the mistake of breaking it off with her by telling her my heart wasn’t in it because it belonged to someone else. She became belligerent. I didn’t think she'd resort to hitting, nor did I think I mattered that much to her. She stormed out, grabbing her overnight bag and shoving as much as she could fit before it would burst at the seams. I felt terrible for what I’d said...but I felt even worse leading her on for four months.” His green orbs plead with Olivia’s chocolate ones to believe him.

“I’m so sorry!” She sobbed into his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him in closer. He laid a gentle kiss on top of her head.

“Why are you apologizing to me? I should’ve gotten rid of these items months ago when I ended things. I’ll do anything to keep you from feeling even an ounce of pain.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

“I shouldn’t have assumed. I need to give you the benefit of the doubt. You haven’t done anything to hurt me. And I’m sorry for treating you like you have.” She pulled her head away from his chest, longingly gazing into his eyes. She leaned up and placed a gentle kiss on his tender lips.

* * *

**The Ugly: Jealousy?**

Rafael and Olivia had gotten good at being inconspicuous about their personal relationship. If they hadn’t disclosed to 1PP, the DA’s office, & let her squad and his mom in on their romantic involvement; the world wouldn’t have known. What actually happened behind closed doors was apparently apart of another universe from outsiders looking in.

Olivia had grown worried, why had her boyfriend not been taking her calls? Did she do something wrong? Was he upset with her? The worry only grew, as she checked their calendar. Rafael had nothing planned but to catch up on some tedious paperwork. It was slow at the precinct, nothing for Olivia to do but fill out her monthly reports to Dodds and the higher-ups. But all Olivia could think about was her boyfriend; how much she’d missed him—she wanted to talk to him or even just listen to the subtle rise and fall of his chest against the tight fabric restricting the world from seeing his well hidden but well-built chest. Olivia felt heat grow between her legs, by habit Olivia crossed her legs in an attempt to crush the growing arousal.

After her fourth call within a two-hour span didn’t go through to his office line, Olivia had enough. She picked up her cell and dialed his number, her mind on autopilot, she knew they didn’t call on their cell phones during work hours unless it was an emergency, but to her, this was an emergency.

“Barba.” The sound idea of his gentle yet stern voice calmed all her anxieties. She’d realized that he picked up after the first ring meaning he wasn’t busy nor did he look at the caller ID.

“You gave me a fright. I thought something happened to you, Rafa. Why didn’t you take any of my calls?” Olivia immediately inquired, not even slightly concerned about greeting her boyfriend.

“Well, good afternoon to you too mi muy hermosa novia.” He chuckled lightly.

“Rafael. Don’t try to sweet-talk me. Why are you ignoring my calls?” Rafael sat up straight at the use of his full first name.

“Liv, I didn’t ignore any of your calls. I’ve been at my desk for the last three hours, you didn’t call me until now.” His voice held a serious tone. She believed him, that still didn’t clarify her confusion. “Hold on.” He said sharply, releasing an exasperated sigh. Olivia heard Rafael place his phone on his desk and after some shuffling, she assumed he’d walked away. “Carmen..have you been blocking my calls?” Olivia heard his distant muffled voice ask.

“Yes. You have a mountain of paperwork to complete so I just sent the calls to voicemail and took some messages for you.” She smiled sweetly up at him.

“Who called today?” He asked the annoyance in his voice was pretty evident.

“There were only six calls from the one-six, one call from the Bronx—a job offer, and the last call was a mindless threat; maybe even a prank call.” She spoke lightly, finding no issue with blocking six calls from the one-six.

“You didn’t think it was urgent if the one-six called six times?” His neck turning red, as he stifled a scream. “It wasn’t just the one-six it was Lieutenant Benson! Did it ever occur to you that I am their ADA and maybe the call was something important!?” He nearly flipped her whole desk over and told her to go home for the day, but he calmed himself.

“They never left a message, I assumed if they really needed you, they’d stop by.” She simply shrugged her shoulders as if she’d done nothing wrong. That had done it for Rafael. He had it up to here with Carmen’s silly antics, he rushed back to his office slamming the door shut behind him, letting out a loud frustrated groan.

A soft giggle captured his attention as he’d remembered he'd been on the phone with his loving girlfriend. “Lo siento, mi amor. Apparently, Carmen has been blocking all my calls today.” The frustration in his voice triggered a memory in Olivia.

“Oh, my God…” she murmured. “It’s Carmen!?” She shrieked, she looked up and received a raised eyebrow from Rollins, reminding her that her locked office door doesn’t equate to soundproof privacy. She mouths a quick sorry to Rollins, who shot her a soft smile and gets back to her work. “You’re telling me Carmen is your ex?” She nearly seethed, not completely understanding where all this anger was coming from.

“It’s been nearly four months since that night and you’re still trying to find out who that little red dress belongs to?” He chuckled. “Well, you cracked the code bebécita _._ ” She could hear the smirk in his voice.

“You think this is funny?” Her voice was nearly venomous. “Your ex-girlfriend works for you, is your personal assistant, and is blocking all your calls from your current girlfriend and you think this is funny?” She stressed the detriment of the situations.

“Liv, how would she have any idea that you’re my girlfriend? I think we’ve been very discreet, to say the least.”

 _“Stop_ defending her. She’s not your girlfriend anymore, _I am.”_ She spat.

“Okay, okay, babe _._ Tell me what you want me to do? If I fire her, will that make this better? I'll go let her go right now if I have to. I don’t want her anymore but if it’s for your peace of mind. Consider it already done.” He smiled sweetly, even though she couldn’t see it via phone call. She sighed deeply.

“No. No, don’t fire her. I’m sorry that my jealousy reared its ugly head. I guess my insecurities from six months ago flared up again.” She bit her lip to stifle her embarrassment. “It’s just...I love you, ya know? And she’s just so much younger and prettier than me and more your type...I didn’t mean to attack you like that.” She ran her left hand through her hair, she really had no idea where that came from; she was never the jealous or insecure type.

“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t you ever discredit yourself. You are the most beautiful woman in this world to me. I don’t care if you’re 44 and two and a halfyears older than me. You are still the most breathtaking woman in the world. I have no type, Olivia, because _only one of you_ exists in this world. There’s no one else out there for me. You’re it for me.” He said sincerely. A short silence enveloped the couple, “What are you thinking about baby?” He broke the silence between them, slowly growing worried about his girlfriend’s state of mind.

“How I should march right into your office and take you right there on your desk. So the world can know you’re mine.” She replied in a low sultry voice, his pants suddenly grew tighter, and the bulge in his pants grew larger listening to Olivia breathe in and out.

“Is that really how you want our first time to be mi pequeña reina _,_ mm?” He hummed softly. “Because your wish is my command,” his voice dropping a few octaves. The moisture between her legs grew; crying for the last six months to be satiated. “I could really show you with my tongue and mouth how beautiful you are to me, but I don’t think my office is soundproof enough to muffle the cries of you cuming for me.” He licked his lips at the mere thought of them finally being intimate.

“Rafa...” his name breathlessly rolled off of her tongue.

“How about I make us a very public reservation tonight so the whole world can know you’re mine. And after we can have a very private meeting where I show you how much I love you.” He could hear her straggled breathing. “Happy six-month anniversary princessa.” He smiled into the phone.

“That sounds, uh, like a plan!” Olivia agreed as she cleared her throat. “Seeing that it’s the middle of the workday and I shouldn’t be this, _um..bothered_. I’ll let you go.” She chuckled. “Happy six month anniversary, I love you.” She blew a kiss through the phone.

 _“_ Tanto _.”_ he caught the kiss, placing it lovingly on his lips. (So much)

* * *

**  
& Everything In Between**

“Yes!” Olivia choked it between a sob. “Yes, Rafael I’ll marry you!” Rafael slipped the ring on her finger, he sprung to his feet wrapping his arms around Olivia’s waist.

“She said yes!” He rejoiced, lifting Olivia off of her feet, spinning her around in celebration. The crowd cheered & congratulated the couple; wishing them a life full of love & married bliss. They shared a passionate kiss once Rafael lowered Olivia back onto her feet once again.

“Excuse me!” A high pitched voice caught their attention. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to seem creepy but I happened to get the whole proposal on video. I’m a videographer and photographer. I was out here recording the meteor shower and I noticed your boyfri-fiancé down on his knee while you packed up the picnic basket and hoped for the best. If you’d like the video you can email me & I’ll send the footage over free of charge!” She smiled brightly at the couple handing over her business card. “I wish you two nothing but peace, happiness, and love.” Olivia took the card from the sweet young girl.

“Oh, Thank you! We would love the footage!” Olivia’s smile never once leaving her face.

“Hey, thank you. You may have just saved us the trouble of finding a photographer and videographer for our wedding. Thank you for everything. We’ll keep in touch.” Rafael thanked the young woman one last time before slipping his fingers between his fiancé’s and gripping the picnic basket in his other hand. “I don’t think I’ve ever told my fiancé that she is the most beautiful woman in the world.” He kissed her cheek as they strolled toward Olivia’s SUV.

“You’ve made sure that you’ve told me that every day since our first argument.” She blushed slightly, looking away from her fiancé. Her heart thudded in her chest. She couldn’t believe it. _Her fiancé_. She’d loved Rafael with all her heart, she never would have imagined this. Although very possessive, he never seemed like the marrying type.

“Actually, I’ve never said this to _my fiancé_. I told my girlfriend every day how beautiful she was to me, now I get to tell my fiancé.”

“Will you still tell me when I’m _your wife_?” She joked.

“Three times a day my soon to be esposita.” He lightly kissed her cheek. _His wife._ Olivia was his soon to be wife, in no alternate universe did Rafael ever think he’d be lucky enough to marry the woman of his dreams. The hard-headed, stubborn, and nearly too independent woman whose fingers were perfectly laced into his own was going to be his wife & he, her husband. Honestly, Rafael couldn’t imagine life without Olivia or Noah at this point, and he was glad that he will never have to. “Let’s start looking at houses. Or Condos? I want to wake up with you in my arms in a home that’s _ours._ A forever home.” He smiled down at Olivia her eyes staring intensely into his as she nodded excitedly.

They finally reached Olivia’s tinted SUV, as Olivia unlocked the door so Rafael could place the picnic basket in the back seat, one of Noah’s favorite toy cars rolled out and into the crevice between the sidewalk, the road, and the SUV. And out of habit Olivia bent over to pick the fallen toy, Rafael couldn’t help but notice—no stare at her fine ass. He, brazen enough to run his fingers across the fabric of her jeans, coping a feel.

“Mine.” He all but growled, hungrily. Her reddened cheeks deepened to a crimson shade as her arousal levels increased. In a moment, Rafael could almost feel someone staring at his fiancé’s lovely curves—they were for his eyes only. Rafael turned around and saw a younger man undressing Olivia with his eyes. “Hey! Asshole! Learn to keep your eyes to yourself, won’t you?” By now, Olivia was back on her feet after placing the toy car back into its cubby, Rafael reached behind him, pulling Olivia closer and flush against his back—he could feel her pressed slightly into his spine. He was only three inches taller than his fiancé, as she was in laced up sandals, but that was enough reassurance for him to feel as if she wasn’t being preyed upon by onlookers.

“Woah, there bud, relax! It’s a free country and if the woman wants to give a show I’m going to watch.” He smirked, the young man looked like a younger, scruffier, less put together version of Rafael, even down to the green eyes—they could’ve been brothers.

“The woman is the Lieutenant and Commanding Officer at the Manhattan SVU and _my fiancé_ so I suppose you find a better and a more inviting show to watch.” Rafael spits back, nearly biting the young fellows head off.

“I could handle her much better than you could ever imagine.” Rafael took a step closer, ready to pounce when Olivia wrapped an arm around his waist, her palm pressed gently against his belly button. She placed a soft kiss at the base of his neck.

“It’s not worth it Rafa. _I’m yours._ ” She mumbled softly into his right shoulder, the vibrations from her vocal cords immediately calming her fiancé down.

A scoff filled Olivia’s ears, it’s as if she froze. What were the odds that she’d be here right now, of all times to be in Central Park, in the city that never sleeps? Why right now just mere moments after their engagement?

“Of course. It’s always you. Always trying to take my men away from me!” Her eyes flickered down to the engagement ring snugly sitting on Olivia’s left ring finger. Olivia literally saw her heartbreak just by the look she held in her eyes.

“Carmen, I didn’t want any of that. I didn’t ask for him to ogle at my ass, and better yet I didn’t know he was your boyfriend!” Olivia defended herself, the guilt settling in the pit of her stomach.

“You seduced him! You seduced him just like you did with Rafael.” At that moment, her eyes shifted from despondent to contempt.

“Carmen...you deserve better than..that.” She grimaced thinking of how someone in a relationship could so boldly look and speak to another woman.

“What I deserve you took! You stole him from right under my nose.” Her words came across more broken then angry. Olivia released a sigh.

“Liv...you don’t have to explain yourself. This is my mess, let me—” he reached to pull her back but she pulled her arm away gently.

“No, this is something she has to hear from me.” She gave him a slow reassuring nod. Olivia slowly stepped closer to Carmen, in an attempt to close the gap. “Carmen...I—” Olivia took a deep breath, trying to organize her thoughts. “Maybe I care too much knowing you're still in love with him. I shouldn’t care at all because I didn’t do anything wrong. I never made a move on Rafael while you two were together. I was going through my own shit. I had my own hurdles to jump over and if you think I made a move on him while he was there for me, you are wrong. Very wrong. I was in a long term relationship, actively living with my significant other. Rafael was there for me as my best friend. And that’s all. But somehow I still feel bad. I don’t like going to his office because I know you’re there—not even for professional reasons; I feel the guilt sink in and it makes me feel bad when I'm with him.” She wiped a tear falling from the young girl's eyes.

“I see what you're missing; the way he looks at me, how he holds my hand and it makes me feel secure, how he loves and pays attention to every detail about me, how he caters to my every whim even when I protest that he’s spoiling me and my son—Carmen I get it. It’s in the small stupid things he does that drive you over the edge and you never want to let go. All this was yours before until it suddenly wasn’t anymore. But you have to understand I had nothing to do with that.” Olivia’s eyes pled with Carmen’s to understand, to find the truth in her words. “I didn’t even know Rafael had a girlfriend in the years that I knew him until I saw your dress in his drawer.”

“Oh...” Carmen looked to the ground, knowing her ploy to sabotage his next relationship hadn’t been successful.

“I know that _it’s_ over, but _it’s_ _not_ over for _you_ _._ ” Olivia stopped speaking, a silent gesture to get Carmen to look her in the eyes. “Look. There's nothing I can say or do that will take your pain away and I understand you hate me, I know you do. But I really am sorry, Carmen. I’m sorry that he's the one you want and now he's moved on, with me nonetheless. I'm so sorry, but I love him, too.” Tears pricked Olivia’s eyes. “I love him, too.” She mumbled under her breath, low enough for no one else but herself to hear.

“In all my honesty, I never thought he would be something more than a friend, and neither did he, even after you two came to an end. You two broke up over two years ago, this is only our one year anniversary; when the two of you ended I was still in a relationship. I would never make a move on a person who is involved with another.” Olivia inhaled sharply, She was tired of explaining herself. Now switching gears, she decided it was time to defend her relationship. To help Carmen understand why the couple was a match made in heaven.

“But as the months went by we grew closer-only God knows how that was even possible, but it happened. I saw the lines as they blurred, there was no other explanation for our growing friendship other than the fact that we loved each other—non platonic love. Rafael and I decided that we just couldn’t be friends any longer. The love between us was unspoken and can be felt from miles away. A blessing or a curse? For you a curse because you loved him first. But for us, this felt like the first thing to go right in life in a very long time, maybe ever.” Olivia watched the tears fall from Carmen’s eyes at the same propensity as they streamed down her face.

“So I try to enjoy it, but at what cost? If all that I'm gaining is all that you've lost.” Rafael couldn’t believe the words that just escaped his fiancé’s mouth.

“Olivia!” He pulled her close to his chest. “Don’t do this!” He pleaded. How could she put their future in the hands of a jealous ex that still loved him? Even if Carmen didn’t bless this union he would never return to her. Rafael will love Olivia until his last breath and wait for their return in the afterlife and in the next one. Olivia sobbed against his chest.

“I’m not sorry that I love you, Rafael. I’m sorry that she loves you too. But I can’t be the source of someone else’s pain. I couldn’t imagine not having you, not having access to your love, getting a taste of your love than having to watch from the sidelines as you love someone else. I can’t—” He held her tighter as she shook in his arms, her sobs rocked through her body.

“No...” a small whimper came from Carmen. “Don’t give him up for me...I wouldn’t do the same for you.” She wiped her tears. “I’m sorry that I held onto this anger and resentment for so long. I’m sorry that I didn’t see that what you two have, is something so raw and unique that this was a pairing made by God himself. I’m sorry that I got in the way—and kept getting in the way.” She walked passed the couple, fighting off tears she didn’t want Olivia to see. “Don’t ever let him go, Olivia.” She gulped walking toward her boyfriend.

“You—you deserve better than that Carmen,” Olivia spoke not moving out of Rafael’s grasp, her chin resting on his shoulder. “He looks like Rafael. But he’s _nothing_ like him. He’s rude, inconsiderate, and disgusting. You deserve a kind soul, someone who will treat you like a princess.” Carmen didn’t dear turn around, nothing could stop her tears at this point.

“In another life, Rafael could be Black or Asian. He could have long curly hair. He could have pink eyes or even be a woman. And I’d still fall in love with him because I love him for his soul. Don’t forget that.” She tightened her grasp on Rafael, never wanting to let him go again. Carmen nodded and continued to walk, straight past her now unofficial ex-boyfriend.

“Don’t you ever let me go, _mi alma,_ ” Rafael whispered in her ear, placing a gentle kiss on her temple.

“Never Rafa, never.” She replied pulling him into a longing kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> This One-Shot was very random, but I've been listening to this song nonstop for the past week and couldn't help myself. I hope you all enjoyed. I have more stuff written in my notes, plenty of ideas roaming around my head. If anyone has any ideas, suggestions, or criticisms don't be afraid to let me know! Also never be afraid to comment, message me or leave a kudos if you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving to all!


End file.
